So I’m on Day 8 of no smoking. I’m going cold turkey sans nicotine… no patches, no gum, no nothing. Instead I developed my own “proven” way to stop smoking. I bummed a cig from my step-brother George and wrote in really small print all the reasons I wanted to stop smoking right on the white part of the fag. Then I wrote “LUCKY” on the filter. The plan was as follows… anytime I started jonesing for a smoke, I’d pull the cig out and read the reasons why I’m stopping… then I’d put it in my mouth to help get over that hand to mouth part of the habit. Also, if I’m ever in a spot where I look down and don’t feel like I’m lucky, then I’ll smoke the cigarrette (ink and all) and make a new one.
Well, it sounds stupid but it’s helping. It’s starting to get really effective in curbing the desire to smoke because after a few days behind my ear or stuffed in my pocket, the thing started getting pretty nasty. It’s been dropped on the floor a bunch of times, it’s all oily from being behind my ear, it’s starting to kind of smell bad. And each time I get the urge, I put this dirty fucker in my mouth and start chewing a bit. It’s pretty unpleasant… and it kind of makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Pretty effective conditioning… associating that negative feeling with wanting a cig. I’ve promised myself that the next cig I’m smoking is this foul thing. Maybe I’ll smoke again… and then again, maybe not. 😉
It’s making poker pretty hard. I had a prop buddy in San Jose’s Garden City when I used to work there that stopped smoking. He said the worst part was that he’d tilt a lot more. Almost lost his bankroll.
With the new company I’m working on, I put almost my whole roll into the business bank account as the seed money. Now I’m left with a bankroll of just shy of $500. It’s pretty sad, but it does keep me working on business instead of playing poker. I did play a little bit today, though, and got pretty close to winning a tournament. It’s been awhile since I’ve won that last hand… not since Ben and JLo were still together.