If you don’t succeed… you will succee

That’s an old english-chinese saying. Turns out if you take the “d” off of succeed than it means something pretty bad in chinese. The equivilent of “eat shit”. That’s how I feel recently.

I had another bout with the big BP. Even taking my medicine… seeing the doctors… didn’t turn out to be enough. Gianna called the police and they kindly escorted me to the emergency room (hey… at least no restraints this time), after which I spent five days bouncing around from nurse to clinician to doctor before they finally told me all I had to do was keep doing what I was already doing. Thanks, doc.

I think what triggered it this time was stress. Even though I love Gianna (still), she’s adding quite a bit of stress to my life… and I’m adding more than my fair share to hers. I thought working together would be ok even after the break-up, but it’s not working out like I thought. Nothing much does these days.

So I’ve made the decision to call it quits with Fresno and move my ass back to Columbia where I have a better support structure and can watch my little brother Austin grow up. He’s four. I’ll play online and still try to make it to all the big televised tourneys… and maybe eventually even get back on the tournament trail if I can make this little business of mine succeed.

Yesterday Gianna got so fed up with me that she threw a water glass at me from across the room. I was standing in a doorway. It was truly a matrix moment… time seemed to freeze and I moved my head and body just right to dodge the missile as it crashed into the hallway wall behind me shattering little pieces of glass all around me. Could have been an ugly scene if I didn’t dodge that shit. You might say I was pretty close to succee-ing.

Other than all that, though, I’m having a pretty good week. Been doing a lot of thinking about my game and trying frantically to catch up with emails. Also trying to learn to speed read. It’s my hope that one day I can be a page-reader, like Bobby Fischer.

For all you men out there who are thinking of getting with an Italian girl… Just make sure that you know what you’re getting into. They are fiery little critters, and fun to watch when they’re arguing with someone else. But if you cross them, god help you. 222.

Wish you all the best of luck this year. I’ll try to be better at putting up new stuff on this blog. It’s hard, though, when you’ve got the kind of issues that I’m dealing with. I’m just happy to know that the heartache cannot continue forever. Going back to Columbia is going to be a good time. I hear they are putting a cardroom in Booneville. But honestly, I don’t think I’ll have a problem finding games out there. They have a tendency to find me nowadays.

Hope you all had a happy and safe St. Pat’s. If you’re still celebrating, drink another green beer for me.


Posted on March 18, 2005 in Uncategorized

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